Are You Staying in a Hostel and Don’t Want People to Fantasize About Your Slow and Painful Death? Then This is a Must-Read!

Here’s a fun situation break down that I think will help explain why after an absolutely amazing day of sight seeing in Malta and plans to call it early tonight, I am sitting in an empty hostel kitchen in the middle of the night rage eating crackers and writing in my blog about inconsiderate pricks.

I’m fast asleep in my hostel when the five guys who are also sharing the room with me come back.  It’s almost 1:00 in the morning.  They turn on all the lights, start watching you tube videos and laughing and blabbing loudly amongst themselves in what sounds like Japanese.  Huh  I thought to myself, maybe they don’t realize I’m here, in bed, trying to sleep.  Keep in mind that I also haven’t slept more than two hours per night because one of the guys in this group has a serious breathing problem and snores louder than anyone I’ve ever heard in my life.  And he stops breathing sporadically throughout the night for a solid 45 seconds at a time, and then gasps for air and snorts.  Really he needs to see a doctor because I’m pretty sure he’s got a really bad case of sleep apnea.

Anyways, I clear my throat, nothing changes except that one of them has now opened a bag of sunflower seeds and is shattering them one by one loudly in his shitty little mouth every four seconds.  ‘Hey guys, can you not?  I was asleep before you came back.’  Still nothing changes.  So I walk around the side of my bed to their disgusting section of the room, there are now seed shells on the ground next to all their dirty laundry and empty pringles cans.  ‘Hey, there’s a common area twenty feet down the hall where you can do everything that you’re doing in here without making me want to shake you.  Why don’t you take this pathetic little party down there?’.  I finally get a response from one of them.  ‘Yeah, we’re all already, um, ready for bed and stuff we don’t really feel like getting dressed and going out there.’  Hmm, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that any room with bean bag chairs in it isn’t going to have a dress code but alright…?

I had an, um, we’ll call it interesting conversation the other day about if it’s ok to have sex in a shared hostel dorm.  And as almost all Facebook comment threads usually go, I read some pretty infuriating arguments to why people who don’t want to be three feet away from trashy wasted sex between two strangers should just get over it.  One woman said that if you have such a problem with public sex, you should just pay extra to get a private room (maybe she didn’t think about the fact that having sex in front of people that don’t want to watch you is sexual harassment).

So I’m sure that person would say the same to me about this situation.  ‘If you have a problem with people being loud and disgusting and messy at 1:00 in the morning in a hostel, you should just pay extra to get a private room’.  Except that that isn’t true at all, and that woman is an idiot (don’t worry, she already knows she is because I told her).

Why should I have to pay extra when I’m not the one who struggles with the concept of sharing a room with other people?  Why don’t the inconsiderate pricks of the world have to pay extra?  If these guys had split the cost of the one extra bed in that room it would have cost them three euros a night extra, and then they wouldn’t even be acting like thoughtless pricks because they wouldn’t have anyone else in the room to consider.

If you are the type of traveler that wants to get absolutely annihilated and bring home whatever club mongrel you meet on any given night, GO FOR IT!  Catch as many cocaine faltered dicks as you want.  I’m really so OK with people doing that, it doesn’t bother me at all.  But goddammit don’t screw them in a room full of complete strangers that are trying to sleep and not trying listen to wasted people attempting to have sloppy, tequila fueled sex.  You are the one that needs to shell out the extra money for privacy and your own space.  If I shell out the extra money for privacy, sure I’m happy, but the other eight people in that dorm are still pissed.  You are the problem, you need to go, not me.

I don’t have a problem with people getting drunk while on vacation.  Guess who has two thumbs and also loves to gets drunk while on vacation?  This girl!  But I come back like I’m in high school and sneaking in the window of my parents’ house after curfew, and sleep in my clothes so I’m not shuffling through my stuff and waking everyone up.  Or if you’re going to party act like you mean it.  Stay out until 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning so everyone is already waking up anyways.  And if you really wanted to make sure you feel particularly filled with regret the next day and hook up with a drunk stranger, it’s common knowledge that you don’t have sex with them in the dorm at 4:00 in the morning you do it in the bathroom.  Everyone knows that, it’s like hostel unwritten rules 101.  Or, here’s a crazy idea, LITERALLY GET A ROOM.  When the originators of that saying came up with it, they didn’t just mean any old room.  They meant the private kind that other people aren’t in.

Be honest with yourself about the kind of traveler you are.  I don’t struggle with the concept of showering daily, being quiet after midnight (or being loud somewhere other than the sleeping quarters), not leaving garbage and food everywhere, or sleep apnea therefore I am able to stay in a shared dorm and save some money.  The snoring I kind of understand, nobody means to snore, the only part of it that’s inconsiderate is not trying to wear a nose strip (there’s no way that this guy’s crazy snoring has gone unnoticed his entire life).  But when you’re tossing the lights on at 1:00 am and watching fucking you tube videos, you’ve hit a point where you aren’t even trying to pretend to care about anyone but yourself.  Cool, watch you tube videos all night bud, I could care less.  But do it in a private room where others aren’t trying to sleep.

Can we stop taking the blame for these people?  I’m guessing people have been doing that their entire lives, and that’s how they ended up this way.  Stop victim blaming!  If you’re not the problem there’s no reason you should be the one to try to fix or alleviate the situation that someone else’s self-centered ass is causing.  Those guys are pieces of shit, they should just recognize it and adjust accordingly.  There’s no shame in that at all, there is however shame in doing what those guys are doing.

So, since I’m up now and drinking a can of beer, cheers to the people of the world who can handle staying in shared dorms, and to people who know they can’t and plan accordingly.  You are all awesome, I want to buy all of you beers.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I just saw that all the lights in my room went off.  So I’m going to slowly finish this beer and give those deadshits enough time to fall asleep, then come barreling in, switch all the lights on and throw one of those Fast and Furious movies on full volume.  Nothing says ‘sweet dreams bunk buddy’ like a car chase scene and some Ludacris.

8 Replies to “Are You Staying in a Hostel and Don’t Want People to Fantasize About Your Slow and Painful Death? Then This is a Must-Read!”

  1. Oh my Lord! I’ve only stayed in a shared room once – last fall in Banff. I think three of them were hungover and the other guy was just a really chill middle aged dude.

    One girl had made a tent out of sheets around her bunk and was watching YouTube with headphones at 3PM, two other guys were quietly sleeping, and the other dude quietly showered and brushed his teeth and went to bed around 10.

  2. Once upon a drunken dreary, a good friend of mine… Well ah, he got a little wasted with his new lady friend and went back to her dorm room. Things were getting pretty hot and heavy on the bottom bunk bed, but in the middle of their sweet drunken stupor, a light shines down on both their faces. To my, I mean my friends surprise, a very pissed off roommate begins to explain that she’s now recording them and that they could keep going…

    Needless to say, my friend learned a valuable lesson that night about shared spaces, and what people are capable of when sleep deprived!

    Great read, and I completely agree. When you share a space, especially in tight quarters, you must always be courteous with whom you’re sharing the space.

    1. Bahahaha that is an epic response to people having sex in a shared room though oh my god!! Yeah, these guys left today. I made sure I was there when the cleaning lady came to explain how that wasn’t me spitting sunflower seeds on the ground and that I’m so sorry she has to deal with things like this! I have the entire room to myself for now, so I’m going to bed early so I can enjoy it and finally get some sleep!

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